23. Gua Sha
I have a needle in my ear.
At one of my grandfather’s nursing homes, they continuously pumped music from the 1940s and 50s into the courtyard. It was probably intended to be comforting to the residents, but was more of a soundtrack to depression. The building complex in Williamsburg where I went to get my Gua Sha treatment was one of those complicated pieces of modern architecture where there are indoor and outdoor staircases, sunken patios, an open air corridor, and no clear entrance. In that corridor there was music from the 2010s playing in a way that made me think of that nursing home and deduce that this must be where millennials come to die.
Gua Sha is a traditional Chinese medicine practice, and the woman who performed The Act was an acupuncturist. However, in every story I’ve ever heard about a professional Gua Sha treatment, the description involved pain, redness, and even lengthening spines. So, I might need to do this a few more times with different people in order to reach some personal consensus, because this professional gave me the gentle touch. I didn’t expect it. I believe she was Russian and she spoke to be in a very blunt way that usually prefaces rough treatment. Her manner was abrupt, but her care was tender. The second I walked in to her private office, she demanded I take off my top. Happily!
Once I was topless, she asked what I was hoping to get out of this treatment. Unlike acupuncture, Gua Sha is something people can more or less do at home, so there has been an influx of influencers appropriating the practice for content and views on social media. Most of them have actually had fillers, though I am not the cosmetic procedures police.
But I have been touched by the algorithm. Even though I know better, I did hope the treatment would have some effect on my face, perhaps changing it into a better one. In reality, it’s not something that will give you a chiseled jaw or magically fill your under-eye hollows. It drains the lymphatic system, or at least the part of it on your head and neck. That might make you look less puffy, but catering to vanity is not the goal so much as overall circulatory health. I still wanted to try it, because having your face touched feels good in the right context.
I did not think it would be acceptable to tell her my reason for being there was “to turn back time” or “I like being touched hehe.” Instead, I said that I wanted to see if it would help with my sinuses, admitting I have allergies. That is true, however they don’t start ruining my life until early March.
“I have a needle for that,” she told me drily. When I asked how much this needle cost, she told me it’s not included but she doesn’t like when her patients suffer from allergies. I was getting the needle for free.
It’s slightly shorter than a thumb tack and currently embedded in my right ear, held in place by some incredibly powerful glue. I’m supposed to leave it in for ten days, at which point my debilitating spring allergies that have slowly mutated into an oral allergy to all the best fruits in the world will be gone. Do I think this will work? I have no idea. But I’d try most things at this point. I’d pay lots of money directly to some sort of No Allergy Subscription. I’ll definitely take a free ear needle.
After she located the right puncture point by having me hold a metal rod in one hand while she poked the ear with another metal rod at the end of a wire, it was time for the Gua Sha. I laid down on a table that was radiating heat at an almost unbearable level. I tolerated it until she got up to put a heat lamp on my front, so I’d be evenly cooked, at which point she turned everything off at my request.
Trying to do all these new things, I’ve become quite self-conscious about how easy it is to BUY new experiences and how many of the things I’ve found to do are a form of pampering. I feel lazy and gross about it—yet it’s also afforded me “permission” to do the things I’ve considered doing for a long time. As I’ve gotten older, a lot of those fantasies have been focused on maintaining a youthful appearance without invasive surgery through some special application of stem cells and Vitamin D rays. Unlike everyone who has come before me, including the richest most well-connected people in the world, I alone shall defy both aging and, ipso facto, death.
The doctor swept her flat white Gua Sha tool up and down my face and neck after applying some sweet smelling cream. As predicted, it felt divine to have the cool edge of stone rubbing my cheeks and temples. I kept waiting for her to put her back into it and pop some blood vessels; she persisted in treating me like the most fragile porcelain, or perhaps a bloated beached whale about to burst.
I did not look different afterwards. I do not know if I would keep paying someone to do this. I do know it could not possibly be the same if I did it to myself.
When I got up, feeling snoozy, I put on my top and looked out the window into another wing of the crazy building. Floor after floor was completely empty. For a few moments, I imagined I’d just experienced a luxurious spa treatment right at the end of the world, when everything is crumbling yet folks are still going through the motions because there’s nothing else to do. Sweeping, gentle, tender moments at the end, with an easy listening soundtrack.
This article from 2021 covers why the practice got so popular on TikTok in particular around quarantine time (everyone was at home and feeling the slow march of time). And there is also a list of AAPI-owned brands if you want to buy a tool to use at home.
Dr. Eileen here is demonstrating in this video that you don’t have to drop a lot of money on a tool either, there are things to use on hand that can work for scraping therapy. The soup spoon was very popular for demos as people shared what historically got used in their families.
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